The internet’s central bank of burger — est. 2026

CHEEMS RESERVE

One burger. No withdrawals.

A deadpan financial institution built on the only treasury simple enough to understand: one priceless cheemsburger, one suspicious Shiba, and zero withdrawals.

Acquire $CHMRSV Inspect the Chart Follow the Reserve
Cheems, in a dark suit and gold tie, seated at a marble counter beside a golden cheemsburger sealed in a crystal case
THE RESERVE FLOOR — OFFICIAL PORTRAIT — DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING
0Burgers in reserve
0Withdrawals approved
0.00%Yield paid, all time
0d 00:00:00Time under guard

Nº 01

Minutes of the Reserve

Meeting 001 — convened over lunch. Lunch was not eaten.

CHEEMS RESERVE — OFFICIAL RECORD FILED UNDER: LUNCH, DENIAL OF

Cheems studied every market. He watched currencies inflate, charts collapse, projects disappear, and experts confidently explain why everything was fine. Eventually he reached the only reasonable conclusion: the internet needed a reserve asset that nobody could print, promise, or accidentally lose.

So Cheems purchased the final cheemsburger. He plated it in gold, sealed it beneath crystal, and appointed himself Chief Reserve Officer.

“Economists asked about yield. Cheems stared at them.
Traders requested withdrawals. Cheems stared harder.”

— Minutes, page one. There is only one page.

Cheems Reserve grew around one beautifully stupid promise: the treasury contains one burger, and Cheems is never letting anyone eat it. Every holder becomes a reserve guard. Every meme strengthens the security system. Every suspicious side-eye protects the snack.

  1. RESOLUTION 001That the Reserve acquire the internet’s final cheemsburger.PASSED, 1–0
  2. RESOLUTION 002That the burger be plated in gold and sealed beneath crystal.PASSED, 1–0
  3. RESOLUTION 003That a withdrawal facility be established, and that it decline everything.PASSED, 1–0
  4. RESOLUTION 004That lunch be postponed indefinitely.PASSED, one abstention (stomach)

Markets come and go. The burger remains.

Nº 02

The Withdrawal Window

Open 24/7. Approval rate: historically stable.

Cheems looking down sternly from behind the marble counter
C. RESERVE — CHIEF RESERVE OFFICER
WINDOW 1 OF 1 — NOW SERVING: NOBODY

REQUEST FOR WITHDRAWAL — FORM WD-0

Requests processed to date: 0 — approved: 0

Nº 03

Exhibit A — The Reserve Asset

Authenticate the treasury yourself. Use the official loupe. Find all four security features.

The golden cheemsburger sealed in its crystal display case

DO NOT TAP THE GLASS

Drag the loupe across the case — or focus the exhibit and steer it with the arrow keys.

Nº 04

Statement of Reserves

Audited continuously, by staring.

BALANCE SHEET — STATISTICAL RELEASE H.4.PAWAS OF: ALWAYS
Assets
Cheemsburger, Au-plated, sealed1
Crystal case, polished1
Side-eye reservesUnlimited
Trust in markets0
Liabilities
Withdrawals owed0
Promises made0
Yield obligationsNone
Net positionOne burger. Immaculate.

In our opinion, the burger presents fairly, in all material respects.
— Much & Wow LLP, Independent Auditors

0 Total supply, $CHMRSV Each token backed by one one-billionth of a stare.
0% Transaction tax The burger is not for taxing.
BURNED Liquidity Per pump.fun standard. Nobody can un-burger the pool.
REVOKED Mint authority Nobody prints more. That was the whole point.

Nº 05

Open Market Operations

The desk observes the market. The market cannot observe the burger.

Desk opens at listing.
Price—
Market cap—
24h change—
24h volume—

Data: Dexscreener, refreshed every 60 seconds once the serial number is announced. Until then, the desk stares at a blank terminal, professionally.

Nº 06

Monetary Policy Calendar

The Committee meets quarterly. The Committee is a dog.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE — 2:00 P.M. SHARP

MeetingAgendaDecision
001 — Q3 2026 Launch $CHMRSV. Confirm burger quantity (1). Stare at markets. HOLD
002 — Q4 2026 Review requests for yield. Decline all of them. Polish glass. HOLD
003 — Q1 2027 Community proposes a second burger. Motion dies in silence. HOLD
∞ — Long term Markets come and go. The burger remains. HOLD (FOREVER)

Voting for the actions: Cheems J. Burgershibe, Chair. Voting against: nobody. The Committee is one dog. The Committee remains highly attentive to burger risks and is prepared to stare as appropriate, at a measured pace, until vibes are well anchored.

Nº 07

Form CR-81 — Reserve Guard Application

Four fields. No interview. Everyone is hired; no one is paid.

APPLICATION FOR RESERVE GUARD DUTYFORM CR-81 (REV. NEVER)
  1. I.
    Procure a wallet.

    The Reserve recommends Phantom — any wallet you will not lose is acceptable.

  2. II.
    Obtain SOL.

    Acquire Solana on any reputable exchange and send it to your wallet. Do not send lunch money you cannot afford to stare at.

  3. III.
    Exchange SOL for $CHMRSV.

    On pump.fun, once the serial number is announced. Paste the serial. Verify it twice. Cheems verifies everything twice.

  4. IV.
    Hold. Guard. Do not request withdrawals.

    Compensation: the burger remains. That is the compensation.

APPLICATION AUTO-APPROVED OMB Nº 8100-0081 — EXPIRES: NEVER

Every holder is a reserve guard.

Guard the reserve. Audit the burger. Never spend lunch.
Report for duty wherever memes are filed.

Follow on X Acquire $CHMRSV